It’s easier to nag and criticise. Unfortunately these tactics don’t work in the long term. I know a married woman who nags her partner like you wouldn’t believe. Her family nag him too. She constantly plays the victim. I know she’s angry but her nagging hasn’t worked. It demotivates him and makes him less inclined to do what she wants him to do.
The Vicious Cycle of Nagging:
Nagging can become a vicious cycle. The more you nag, the more your mate avoids you or withdraws both emotionally and physically from you.
Why Nagging Doesn't Work:
Even though your gripes may be valid, nagging makes your spouse resentful.
Nagging makes your spouse defensive.
Nagging puts you in the parent role and your spouse in the child role. This isn't healthy for your marriage relationship.
Nagging is disrespectful.
Nagging is often perceived as criticism, so your spouse may tune out making what you are saying ineffective.
When your spouse is being nagged, he/she probably feels attacked personally.
Nagging can make your spouse feel inadequate.
Ways to Avoid Being a Nag:
Don't blame.
Don't demean.
Don't attack.
Don't criticise.
Don't manipulate.
Avoid making your spouse feel stupid.
Don't give in to your frustration and do your spouse's chores. Your mate needs to learn to deal with the logical consequences of being messy.
Instead of Nagging, Try Positive Approaches:
Share your feelings.
Stick to the issue at hand.
Keep your statements brief so they don't turn into long lectures.
Don't make ultimatums.
Avoid using the phrases, "You always..." and "You never..." and "You should..."
Consider saying "would you" or "will you" rather than "could you" or "can you". There's a subtle difference in the way the request will be heard by your spouse.
Set a good example in picking up after yourself, putting your clothes away or in the hamper, leaving the bathroom is good shape after your shower or bath, eating healthy foods, exercising, etc.
Try to brainstorm solutions with your spouse. Hiring a housekeeper or a handyman now and then may be a good alternative for some couples.
Acknowledge your different perspectives regarding chores and housekeeping expectations.
Show your appreciation when your spouse does put dishes in the dishwasher, or picks up a towel, turns off the television to take a walk with you, or when dirty clothes end up in the hamper.
