Communication Rules for Effective Problem-Solving In Relationships

When people try to become "open" in their communication with one another, they must agree to a set of rules so their discussion doesn't deteriorate into an argument or conflict. Here are some rules to consider. 1. Be specific when you introduce a gripe or complaint. 2. Don't just complain, no matter how specifically; ask for a reasonable change that will relieve the gripe. 3. Ask for and give feedback to the major points, to make sure you are heard, to assure your receiver that you understand what he/she wants. 4. Confine yourself to one issue at a time. Otherwise you may skip back and forth, evading the hard ones. 5. Do not be glib or intolerant. Be open to your own feelings, and equally open to your receiver. 6. Always consider compromise. Remember, your receiver's view of reality may be just as real as yours, even though you may differ. There are not many totally objective realities. 7. Do not allow counter-demands to enter the picture until the original demands are clearly understood, and there has been clear-cut response to them. 8. Never assume that you know what your receiver is thinking until you have checked out the assumption in plain language; nor assume or predict how he/she will react, what he/she will accept or reject. Crystal-ball gazing is not for communicating. 9. Don't mind-read! Ask! Do not correct a receiver's statement of his/her own feelings. Do not tell a receiver what he/she should know or do or feel. 10. Never put labels on receiver. Call him/her neither a coward, nor a neurotic, nor a child. If you really believed that he/she was incompetent or suffered from some hopeless basic flaw, you probably would not be working together very long. Do not make sweeping, labeling judgments about his/her feelings, especially about whether or not they are real or important. 11. Sarcasm is dirty fighting. Never, never engage in sarcasm if you want to be friends afterward. 12. Forget the past and stay with the here-and-now. What either of you did last year or last month or that morning is not as important as what you are doing and feeling now. And the changes you ask cannot possibly be retroactive. Hurts, grievances and irritations should be brought up at the very earliest moment, or the receiver has the right to suspect that they may have been saved carefully as weapons. 13. Do not overload your receiver with grievances. To do so makes him/her feel hopeless and suggests that you have either been hoarding complaints or have not thought through what really troubles you. 14. Meditate. Take time to consult your real thoughts and feelings before speaking. Your surface reactions may make something deeper and more important. Don't be afraid to close your eyes and think. 15. There is never a single winner in a discussion. Both of you either win more understanding, or lose it. Gracias por leer! -QueenBella