5 Ways To Stay Happy

Most people have no control over their emotional well-being. They feel ecstatic when good stuff happens and depressed when things go wrong. Their lives are roller coaster rides: sometimes up, sometimes way down.

But what if you could be happy no matter what happens?

You’d stay calm when your car breaks down and your boss shouts at you. You’d stop feeling lonely when there’s no one to talk to on a rainy day. You’d never lose sleep over a relationship that isn’t working out.

If being in command of your emotional state sounds good, take charge of your life with these 5 easy tips.

1. Stop Chasing and Start Living

Many people feel they need something – more money, new clothes, better relationships – to make them happy. They think: “If only I had that other thing, I would be complete”. Instead of enjoying life, they chase a vague idea of happiness.

But even when you get everything that’s supposed to make you happy, life will have ups and downs. Today your car breaks down; tomorrow you pull your calf muscle. If you look hard enough, you’ll always find reasons to be miserable.

So stop chasing; start living. Wanting more is fine, but don’t forget to relax and enjoy life for what it is – in the present.

2. Assume Responsibility

We often blame other people, circumstances and even objects for our problems. “I’m this way because my dad didn’t love me enough”; “I hate my stupid car for breaking down all the time.”

But life is full of different people and situations: some are good and some are bad. Unless you assume responsibility for your life, you’ll always be at the mercy of those circumstances.

Instead of blaming others for what’s wrong in your life, focus on what you can do to make things better. Never sulk and try not to feel sorry for yourself too often. It’s your responsibility to make yourself happy: nobody else’s.

3. Stop Seeking Stimulation

We live in a world of endless stimulation. Between movies, video games and the internet, something exciting’s always going on. Sometimes, this makes us feel bored and restless when we run out of stuff to do.

If you want to be happy, overcome this addiction. Develop the ability to enjoy life in its entirety – even when the stimulation stops.

Appreciate the sky you see on your way to work each day. Cherish each moment you spend with the people you love. Savor every bite of food you get to eat. Enjoying every experience will give you many new reasons to be happy.

4. Take Action

Taking action is the logical consequence of assuming responsibility for your life (Point #2).

When you want to lose weight – start jogging. Someone’s being rude to you? Tell them to stop. If you’re unhappy with your job, start looking for a new one. Get behind the steering wheel of your own life!

This site has plenty of advice that will help you take action the smart way. Educate yourself and commit to find happiness no matter what it takes. With enough hard work and dedication, you really can create the life you want.

5. Expect Nothing

We expect others to treat us better than we treat them. We work out a few times and stress because we don’t instantly look like models. We want to live like rockstars, ignoring the fact that only a few people reach that level of success.

In short, we tend to have unreasonable expectations. The difference between what we feel entitled to and what we actually get is the source of much misery.

Accept life in its entirety; stop thinking in terms of what should be and accept what is. When you live without entitlement, every good thing becomes a wonderful surprise. Even better, expecting nothing means never being disappointed.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, bad things will happen to you. You will have highs, lows and lots of mediums in your life. You’re only human, just like everybody else.

But follow the 5 tips in this post and you’ll be well on your way to staying happy – no matter what happens.

How To Avoid Relationship Meltdown By QueenBella

When it comes to getting reliable relationship advice, who can you trust?

Everyone has their own opinion, usually based on bitter experience, or long-term love. So it's lucky that lots of research has been done in this area, and we're now able to offer relationship advice that's based on research rather than hearsay.

Read on:

How to Tell If Your New Relationship Will Last

How you start discussions with your partner is absolutely vital in determining your future prospects together. It's not how much you argue, but how you argue that determines your relationship prognosis.

According to this well regarded research, how you conduct the 'startup phase' (the first two minutes) of disagreements or disputes reliably predicts your chances of being together 5 years later. Generally, the more negative emotions you display during this initial period, the more likely your relationship is to fail.

Apparently, the best predictor of a relationship that will survive is a female partner that can initiate discussion of a problem 'softly' (that is without negative emotion or criticism), and can then use humour to smooth the way as the discourse progresses.

The 'hard startups' that spell relationship disaster are:

A) Criticism rather than complaint

Attacking statements starting with 'you' are criticisms. A complaint would often start with an 'I' statement and be far less confrontational. Example: "You always spoil everything!" would be a criticism. Where as: "I really don't like it when you refuse to speak to my mother!" would be a specific complaint and not a global attack on the partner's character.

B) Defensiveness

Another major predictor of eventual relationship breakdown is over-defensiveness. If someone begins yelling as soon as their partner broaches a subject and feels overly threatened or attacked (whether or not they are being criticised or complained to) and this is a continuing and regular feature of the couple's interactions then the relationship is in crisis.

C) Contempt

Name calling, face pulling, cursing at, insulting your partner and basically behaving as if you are revolted by them can be termed 'contempt.' Again John Gottman and his researchers (1) in Seattle found that if this was a regular feature in the startup phase of a disagreement then the relationship's days were very likely to be numbered and the couple much less likely to last.

D) Withdrawal or 'stone walling

Emotionally withdrawing or stonewalling, 'closing your ears' or 'shutting off' when a partner is complaining is another huge predictor of breakdown. Whist criticising was generally more of a female trait, men used stonewalling more. The partner may withdraw during conversations by 'switching off' or ultimately spend more and more time away from the relationship as a way of 'escaping.'

Rather surprisingly, if even one of these factors (A to D) is present regularly in disputes, the outlook for the relationship is poor.

Men Don't Like Unconditional Love

The same team showed that a relationship is more likely to fail if the woman shows affection to her partner when he is displaying negative emotions towards her. The advice says that an angry response to contempt from her partner is more likely to contribute to a healthy long-term relationship.

Do As You're Told!

Another important factor for relationship survival is the man accepting suggestions, recommendations and advice from his wife or partner.

Don't Get In Too Deep

Recent studies of elderly couples (a logical place to start when looking for good relationship advice!) has shown that these couples often don't listen very carefully to what the other is saying when expressing negative emotion.

They also tend to ignore their own feelings about the relationship unless they consider that something absolutely must be done. This threshold is set much higher than in younger couples.

So the typical advice of agony aunts to 'air issues' and get 'every thing out in the open' doesn't, after all, make for healthy long-term relationships. Agreeing to disagree and knowing which subjects to steer clear of is a key relationship skill.

Avoid Too Much Lovey-Dovey!

Whilst physical affection is certainly important in a relationship, older partners in long-term relationships express less affection towards each other, whilst reporting a greater level of relationship satisfaction.

Change the subject

Another key factor in arguments within relationships that survive is the habit of changing the subject once the discussion has 'run its course'. This 'quick shift' lessens the amount of negative emotion experienced and decreases the likelihood of later rumination. It also conveys the message "We can argue, and still get on with each other." Thus, the argument is contained and does not contaminate the whole relationship.

Avoid Too Much Big Talk

It seems that younger couples are much more likely to consider their problems as highly important and to 'dig deep' into them, seeing their partner as at least partly responsible. Older people in successful relationships are more likely to keep their own problems to themselves, and if they consider them important enough to discuss will do it in 'small talk' fashion, rather than getting too worked up about them.

Relationship Advice Roundup

The great thing about this type of relationship advice is that it is A) reliable and B) able to be acted upon.

To improve the long-term prospects of your relationship, check whether any of the above factors are present in your interactions with your partner. If they are, drive them out! Have a zero-tolerance policy and come up with creative ways to approach things differently.

And you might want to have your partner read this article too!

Relationship Tips

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, QueenBella reveals the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour always when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

Ways To Make Your Relationship Work

Get counseling, if needed to become healthy. In order for a relationship to be healthy you have to be healthy yourself. Get into counseling; find a friend who can help you grow~someone you trust to tell you the truth. Although they might be tougher to hear from, a non-friend works well here.
2
Give 100% to the relationship and expect nothing in return. This is unconditional love. You have to know this kind of love before you can give it away! If you both are doing this the relationship will grow. This means spending the time you give your partner with your partner, enjoying and appreciating the relationship as it is. This does not mean centering your life around your relationship, neglecting your job, your friends, your hobbies and your own needs. Give what you can give freely without sacrifice or resentment and take care of yourself without expecting your partner to take care of you. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll get run down to the point you can't take care of your partner or anyone else.
3
Address hurts. When you feel hurt and want to get angry, you have to be willing to look for the cause of the behavior that hurt you and address the cause. This is like counting to ten, waiting to speak before you act. If you need to get angry you can always do it later. But when you get at the cause of the behavior you can help the person understand what happened and tell them you got hurt. Now you are building the relationship and not doing damage to it.
4
Understand the idea of personal boundaries and hold yours. Make them clear to your partner including the negotiable gray areas that are part of any healthy relationship. Respect your partner's boundaries. When you're hurt or angry, stop and reflect on why you're hurt or angry. Identify whether the issue is that you want to cross your partner's boundaries or whether it's your partner invading yours. If you want something unreasonable, like crossing their boundaries, understanding that can help you let go of that desire. If you want something reasonable, like holding your own boundaries, then stand up for yourself assertively.
5
Do not insult your partner in any arguments. Just don't call names or label them. Don't say "You're lazy. Focus on your own feelings, needs and points. "I feel as if I have to do all the housecleaning" is not insulting. "You lazy slob, you never do anything around the house" is insulting. If you behave this way consistently, you can establish the pattern.
6
Translate any insults from your partner in an argument into what is really being said. "I'm mad because you don't do enough housecleaning to please me" is a translation of the lazy slob insult above into information terms. Accepting that the insults just mean "I'm angry and frustrated" is vital. They are not true as such, they are a slanted description of a situation your partner perceives as real. It may not even be true, if so then communicating without insults could help resolve that conflict. If you clean more efficiently than your partner and finish the same tasks in half the time, it may look like you're doing less even though you're accomplishing more. Conversely, if your partner's better at cleaning, your results may disappoint your partner even though you put in the same amount of time and effort. Discussing these issues without blaming or insulting is "problem solving mode" and an important element of any healthy relationship.
7
There will always be conflict in all relationships. When both partners are comfortable and happy with the same method of conflict resolution, they tend to be happier together no matter what others think of it. Some couples insult each other constantly in a lighthearted way because neither takes those insults seriously - and know that if the insults stop, the issue is a serious one. Find your comfort zone and your partner's and explore different ways of handling conflicts till you find what works for you.
8
Identify any hurtful behaviors or addictions that are part of the relationship. Become aware of the types of mind games addicts play. If you did not grow up in a home with an addict or alcoholic, it's easy to be blind sided by the games addicts play. Read about addiction and find checklists online to examine the hurtful behaviors within your relationship, both yours and your partner's. Sometimes healthy behavior can hurt a lot when a relationship is changing, but that hurt is necessary to grow past it. Whoever tries to break the pattern will be seen as acting hurtfully or selfishly.
9
Look for ways that you may be enabling any hurtful behaviors or addictions by giving too much.
10
Look at whether you may be attempting to control your partner's life. If the final decisions on things always go your way, that's a sign of codependence. There's give and take in a healthy relationship. If your partner never does anything without consulting you, that's a danger sign and something to work on.

A Love Letter To The One You Think Is Worth Waiting For! *wink*

A love letter to the one I’m longing to see~
This letter is part of my 30 Letter in 30 Days blog challenge. This is for Day 9, a letter for someone you wish you could meet. I’m sharing it here, for those who are waiting and longing too. Let’s keep holding on… ♥

To my one and only,

I have been longing for you ever since I knew how it was to long for someone. To many shooting stars, in birthday candles, fallen eyelashes, in dandelions and flower petals, I have wished for you. For you are out there somewhere, far away in time and place, but you are also here in my heart. Shakespeare said: Journeys end in lovers meeting. I cannot see you yet. The end for us is a long way ahead, but even now I am walking to you my love. Every day, every step, every beat of my heart, I know that the Lord is bringing me nearer to you. The road is long and sometimes I am weary. I long for you so much it feels like I am holding my breath. I long for you to be here, to be near, to be known. I can only dream you, and wish you and wait for you.

So patiently, I will wait . For I know – I am sure – every second of the wait will be worth it. I’ll hold true to the promise I’ve made. For that promise is sacred and it is not in vain. I put my faith to the author of love, of this love, that He will see us through.

I will pray for you as I am waiting. I hope you will (pray) and are (waiting), too. ‘Cause as I walk this road there are still many steps to take, many other paths to go through. As I dream of finding you, there are still other dreams to reach and destinies to be realized. For when I finally find you, I want to be ready. Ready to take on our destiny. God will lead us to that, in perfect time. And when that time comes, I know it will be grand and far-reaching than what I’ve ever dreamed of. Until then, I will be here, praying  and steadfastly waiting. I will keep on longing for you and wishing on stars and dandelions, until every wish comes true and I will finally meet you.

Coping With A Heart Break

Cope With a Heartbreak
It is mostly true that only time can heal a broken heart. However how we act while heartbroken can effect the amount of pain we feel. The following tips will work towards minimizing the pain and speed the healing process.
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StepsTips and WarningsVideo
1
Get rid of such objects that remind you of the person who broke your heart. Return, sell, burn, or throw them away. Get rid of photos, letters, emails, and other such items.
2
Avoid that person if possible. Try to minimize meetings with your former love.
3
Recognize the reasons why you feel bad, think of ways in which some of these reasons can be eliminated or avoided.
4
Remember why the romance ended. The relationship ended because you deserve better.
5
Remember there will be better days ahead.
6
Spend more time with your friends and family.
7
If you do not workout or exercise, start doing that, as it helps reduce stress and depression. Exercise will help improve your body and self image.
8
Take a bath or shower when feeling very unhappy.
9
Start a new hobby or pastime. The pleasure of accomplishing something will counter act to the feelings of sadness.
10
Keep busy.
11
Find activities to do that make you happy. Stay away from sad movies and the like.
12
Listen to music that gets adrenaline rushing, do not listen to slow, sad or romantic songs.
13
Meet new people, you might find someone who will heal your heart.

How to stay in love with your Partner

One of the things that still leave me puzzled , is how two people who were so in love with each other and were excited at the thought of seeing each before they got married, can degenerate to the point where at the very least become bored with themselves and have to endure each other’s company later in marriage.”
“The human emotions although often described as fleeting are very strong.Kings have been known to abdicate thrones because of the intensity of their feelings for another, Generals have lost wars because they were “love sick” and Secret agents have been found to have divulged national secrets because they were in love”
An Emotional need is a craving that when not satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. ”
“When our most important emotional needs are being met by our partners there is the feeling of “in loveness” or we “fall in love.” When they are not met we “fall out of love.” At this time we are emotionally obsessed with each other.”
“”Daily responsibilities, chores, bills, children, irritating habits all begin to show up and these things begin to tip the partners into times of irritation, snapping and so on which begin to cause massive withdrawals in their love banks which leads them into the eventual feeling of falling “out of love.”
“This feeling of “in love-ness” can also be stimulated and maintained no matter how long the couple have been married for if they keep making love deposits into each other’s Love Banks or Tanks.”
“Since time and effort put in at the beginning of the relationship is what caused the romantic sparks to fly and be ignited in the first place, the same ingredients if carefully and deliberately applied can help recreate that romantic atmosphere again.”
“To rebuild this much desired romantic climate in marriage, couples need to schedule time alone with each other daily, where they give each other focused and undivided attention...”
“Women often resent having sex without conversation and affection first and men resent talking and being affectionate without any hope for sex and recreation.”
“Many parents were able to provide for their children’s physical needs but were not aware of the corresponding need to meet their children’s emotional needs.”

5 Ways to Make My Boyfriend Happy

Like many women around the world, you may sometimes wonder what would make your boyfriend happy. Being in a relationship can  often be challenging and frustrating. Here are a few quick tips to make sure that communication remains open and your relationship is a happy and fruitful one.



1. Your boyfriend needs to feel that you appreciate him, and yes he needs this ego boosting on a regular basis. Complement him regularly on his positive qualities, achievements, and strengths, recognize his successes and do not dwell unnecessarily on his failures. Your boyfriend needs to know that you are proud to have him in your life and that he means the world to you. He also needs to feel capable and strong. So, every now and then, let him do manly things for you. This will help you make your boyfriend happy.

2. Men usually love sporting events; if they're not participating, then definitely watching live or on tv. As annoying as this might seem to you, it is the male way of destressing. It will definitely make a man happy to have his girlfriend along, either cheering with him at the games, or giving him his space to watch his favorite sport with his buddies.

3. Encourage your boyfriend to spend time with his male friends. This not only shows that you trust him, but also establishes your own freedom and gives you time to spend with your girlfriends. Getting approval from his male friends is very important for your boyfriend even when it comes to you, so grin and bear their jokes, even if they may not have the humor that you are used to.

4. Cook him his favorite food. The surest way to a man’s heart is definitely through his stomach.

5. One of the most important tips for keeping your boyfriend happy is to be happy yourself. If you show that you are genuinely happy to have him as your boyfriend, it will make a world of difference to the relationship.

5 Ways to Make My Boyfriend Happy

Like many women around the world, you may sometimes wonder what would make your boyfriend happy. Being in a relationship can  often be challenging and frustrating. Here are a few quick tips to make sure that communication remains open and your relationship is a happy and fruitful one.



1. Your boyfriend needs to feel that you appreciate him, and yes he needs this ego boosting on a regular basis. Complement him regularly on his positive qualities, achievements, and strengths, recognize his successes and do not dwell unnecessarily on his failures. Your boyfriend needs to know that you are proud to have him in your life and that he means the world to you. He also needs to feel capable and strong. So, every now and then, let him do manly things for you. This will help you make your boyfriend happy.

2. Men usually love sporting events; if they're not participating, then definitely watching live or on tv. As annoying as this might seem to you, it is the male way of destressing. It will definitely make a man happy to have his girlfriend along, either cheering with him at the games, or giving him his space to watch his favorite sport with his buddies.

3. Encourage your boyfriend to spend time with his male friends. This not only shows that you trust him, but also establishes your own freedom and gives you time to spend with your girlfriends. Getting approval from his male friends is very important for your boyfriend even when it comes to you, so grin and bear their jokes, even if they may not have the humor that you are used to.

4. Cook him his favorite food. The surest way to a man’s heart is definitely through his stomach.

5. One of the most important tips for keeping your boyfriend happy is to be happy yourself. If you show that you are genuinely happy to have him as your boyfriend, it will make a world of difference to the relationship.

6 Signs She's The One

At some point in every man's life, there comes a time when it’s time to find a good woman and settle down with her. It can often be hard to know if a girl is "right" for you, so here’s a list of 5 things to look for in a girl that could mean she’s the one to hang on to.


1. She's trustworthy
You don't have to think twice about opening up about personal matters and telling her intimate details about your life. She does what she says she's going to do, doesn't flake out, and she's proven that she will always be there for you through good and bad times, no matter what.


2. She makes you feel special
She makes you feel special and cared for by doing thoughtful, little things like holding your hand when you are out in public, telling you she loves you, hugging you, and listening to you, especially when you need her support. She also does special things for you like leaving you sweet love notes when you least expect it and taking you for impromptu dates to places you enjoy.


3. She makes you a better man
She knows you inside out and helps you bring out the best version of yourself. She's a great girlfriend who motivates you to achieve your dreams, talks about your potential, and inspires you to become the best man you can ever be.


4. You have great chemistry together
She is on your mind at all times and you can stare at one another and not say anything for hours. The two of you can laugh together and you share basic interests. You find yourself talking about her a lot and you feel alive and yet content when she is with you.


5. She loves you for who you are
Although there may be things about you that irritates her in everyday life, she loves you, plain and simple and doesn't want to change the essence of who you are. You can talk with her and feel like she isn’t judging you and you never have to try to impress her because you’ve already done that by just being you.

6.She likes and accepts your family members:
If its not pretence and you see how real she keeps it with your family members,showing concern about them like they are her family members too,then she sure is.

10 Signs Your Man Is Nolonger Inlove With You

If you have not been feeling loved lately, and your man’s behaviour has changed towards you lately, making you think that may be he does not love you anymore. If you are losing sleep over how your man is behaving then you need to read the ten signs below that show that he is no longer in love with you:

1. He has stopped calling you the endearing names he once called you – sweetie, honey, darling, baby, boo, etc.

2. He complains when you try to be affectionate to him. If you are sitting on the coach and you try to massage his neck or back, he tells you to stop because he is uncomfortable, or just wants you to give him some elbow room.

3. He tells you mean things that hurt your feeling in the name of trying to tell you the truth. For example, he will tell you that you are overweight and that you should try to lose weight.

4. He flirts with other girls right in your presence, and when you complain he tells you to do something about it if you don’t like how he is behaving.

5. He no longer tells you about how his day went. He does not talk to you as much as he used to in the past.

6. He goes out with his friends on weekends and never bothers to invite you.

7. He suddenly starts calling you another woman’s name – probably the woman he is now involved with – and does not apologize to you.

8. He stays out late and does not bother to explain to you where he has gone and why his coming home late.

9. He gets very angry when you accuse him of having an affair. He gets very defensive and starts shouting at you.

10. He never seems to understand why you are complaining that his behaviour toward you has changed.

If your man is acting like he no longer loves you and you have noticed that his behaviour towards you has drastically changed, chances are that he may be falling out of love with you. And if that is the case, don’t try to get him to do what he does not want to do – like staying in a relationship with. If you have told him that you don’t like the way he is treating you and he does not appear to be interested in changing his ways, then your man probably wants to move on. If that is what he wants, let him move on so that you can make room for a man that will derive joy in fulfilling your heart’s romantic desires.

10 Signs Your Man Is Nolonger Inlove With You

If you have not been feeling loved lately, and your man’s behaviour has changed towards you lately, making you think that may be he does not love you anymore. If you are losing sleep over how your man is behaving then you need to read the ten signs below that show that he is no longer in love with you:

1. He has stopped calling you the endearing names he once called you – sweetie, honey, darling, baby, boo, etc.

2. He complains when you try to be affectionate to him. If you are sitting on the coach and you try to massage his neck or back, he tells you to stop because he is uncomfortable, or just wants you to give him some elbow room.

3. He tells you mean things that hurt your feeling in the name of trying to tell you the truth. For example, he will tell you that you are overweight and that you should try to lose weight.

4. He flirts with other girls right in your presence, and when you complain he tells you to do something about it if you don’t like how he is behaving.

5. He no longer tells you about how his day went. He does not talk to you as much as he used to in the past.

6. He goes out with his friends on weekends and never bothers to invite you.

7. He suddenly starts calling you another woman’s name – probably the woman he is now involved with – and does not apologize to you.

8. He stays out late and does not bother to explain to you where he has gone and why his coming home late.

9. He gets very angry when you accuse him of having an affair. He gets very defensive and starts shouting at you.

10. He never seems to understand why you are complaining that his behaviour toward you has changed.

If your man is acting like he no longer loves you and you have noticed that his behaviour towards you has drastically changed, chances are that he may be falling out of love with you. And if that is the case, don’t try to get him to do what he does not want to do – like staying in a relationship with. If you have told him that you don’t like the way he is treating you and he does not appear to be interested in changing his ways, then your man probably wants to move on. If that is what he wants, let him move on so that you can make room for a man that will derive joy in fulfilling your heart’s romantic desires.

Best Ways For Lovers To Work It Out

1. When you're having a difficult discussion, put your angry emotions aside. You can't be logical when you're mad. If you can't contain your ire, it may be best to put talking on hold until after you calm down.

2. It's not about who's right or wrong. If you try to blame your partner or make him or her wrong, you won't find an answer. You both have to take responsibility for getting your relationship back on a positive track.

3. Look for the high road and discuss what's best for both of you. Don't settle for anything less than equality and the knowledge that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your partner.

4. Be humble and don't rub your partner's nose in a misstep. If you gently share you feelings, whichever of you is the offending party will learn from his or her mistake much easier.

5. Agree to disagree (without being disagreeable). But don't settle for less than a complete acceptance of each other's point of view. If you walk away disappointed, you have not resolved your issue. For a relationship to work, you both have to feel like you have your partner's support.

6. Always have difficult conversations in private. If you have kids, you don't want them to pick up the negativity; it can make them feel insecure. Remember that you can be heard behind closed doors, so keep the volume low and the vibe as calm as possible.

7. Before making a decision about how to handle a problem, make sure you consider all of your options. This requires some brainstorming and working together to create a positive solution. If done correctly, this process alone can heal the difficulty.

8. Don't rush to judgment. You may not be able to come up with the best answers in the moment, so sleep on it before you decide on a course of action. If you still cannot reach a meeting of the minds, put the issue aside and look at it again in a few days.

9. Trust that you can find an answer that will work for both of you. Going into the discussion with an optimistic heart and mind will make working it out much easier.

10. Consolidate the gains of your discussion. Review out loud what you agreed upon, put it in writing if it helps, and then kiss and make up.

Most people avoid difficult conversations because they fear having an uncomfortable moment. I think a bad few minutes is better than an uncomfortable life. Truth is that couples who embrace the desire to work things out have the best relationships. Period.