Making Relationships Work in Difficult Times

Any partnership, even good marriages, has bad times. It may help to consider relationships as works in progress, a long-term commitment in which the "downs" sometime outnumber the "ups." Here is advice to help guide couples in difficult situations. Signs of a Healthy Partnership Shared goals, values, and dreams clearly help keep a relationship alive and vital. Do other factors indicate whether your relationship will make it? There's no crystal ball to give us that answer, but here are some signs of strength to look for and build on: * Flexibility and the ability to compromise. Knowing when to agree to disagree. * The ability to communicate or, at least, the desire to learn how. * Shared decision-making and acknowledgment and respect of important aspects of each other's lives. * Pulling together in times of trouble. Sometimes, a specific problem can be a wake-up call that leads to a stronger relationship. * Sense of humor, the ability to lighten up and let go. * Caring enough to fight. Partners who are passionate about their differences stand a better chance of healing. * Realistic expectations and acceptance of the other person's frailties. * The ability of partners to go their separate ways, pursue different interests, then come together and share their experiences. Many of the ways in which we interact in our relationships are based on patterns of behavior we learned in the family we grew up in: for example, how we communicate feelings, how we express and assert ourselves and how family roles are divided. Here are some ideas that can help us create and maintain healthy relationships with our partners: * Don't make promises you can't or won't keep. * Be reliable in small things. This helps build trust. * Keep short-term arguments in perspective. These will pass if they are not blown out of proportion. * Be clear about what you want and the value of what you are trying to achieve in your relationship * Don't assume the worst every time you have the same hassle. Many fights are triggered by similar events. Examine and try to change negative patterns of interaction in your relationship. * Re-pledge yourselves to each other aloud occasionally. * Keep a journal and photo albums. Read about-or look at-the good times when things get tough. * Examine the key dimensions of your relationship. Look for ways to strengthen your attraction to each other, improve your communication, feel more trust, have more strength of purpose and enhance your enjoyment of each other. Your partnership is like a pot of clay. Whatever it becomes is up to you, the sculptors.