How to Be a Good Mother

How to Be a Good Mother There's already a lot to cover when learning how to be the best parent you can be. But there are certain challenges a mother faces as a parent that are distinct from those of being a father. Here's how to overcome them and raise your child/children well. Be supportive, and never laugh at your kids hobbies, interests or friends. So, your daughter doesn't want to study medicine and become a doctor? Don't get angry, this is your child's life and they can make some of their own decisions. Understand that it's okay if your child thinks differently from you. Don't get mad because they have a different opinion to you. Who cares if you daughter listens to hip hop music and wears too much eyeliner? She's still your daughter. And so what if your son is friends with a guy who speaks in a funny accent or who has a different skin color? You might not do what your kids do, but that is their decision, not yours. You have a big impact on their lives already-you choose what school they go to, when they eat dinner, the amount of allowance they get a week. Don't over do it. 2 Be patient. Being a mother is a little challenging sometimes. But keep your cool and try to stay patient. Try this approach to other problems. Stay calm, explain the practical reasons not to do something, and then why YOU don't want them to do something. 3 Take an interest in your child's interests. If your son likes music buy him a guitar and watch him play. Ask questions, like what is your favorite type of music, what is your favorite song, etc. If your daughter is interested in fashion, take her out for a shopping spree. Ask her what her favorite thing about fashion is. Don't be afraid to ask just don't be pushy. Also when you call your child and they say," What!" in a loud, angry like voice just say never mind and talk to them when they don't seem so mad. Sometimes when they say what in a that kind of voice you should ask them whats wrong. If they say nothing that means you need to go in there to see whats wrong, but sometimes let them come to you. 4 Don't be tight about money. Okay, so blowing money day after day isn't the best thing to do, but don't automatically say no to everything your kid asks for. If you always say no and follow this with a lecture about saving money, you will be known as the "Tight Parent", the one who never buys anything. Buy something small every now and then. Even offering to purchase some candy or chips at the store can make a difference. Every now and then buy something big that you are sure your kid wants. For example, an iPod in their favorite color, or maybe a teenager would enjoy a nice computer. And be generous at birthdays, maybe buy them something they have been hinting they want for a while. You can also take them out to a special dinner, see a movie, and choose a nice gift or receive nice gifts from parents. 5 Make sure you are an approachable person to talk to. Try your hardest to always be understanding and a good listener. Knowing that they can go to their mom for friendship advice, information on puberty, homework help, or just a hug goes a long way for kids. Not having someone they can talk to can cause kids to retire into a shell, so make sure you talk to them about how they feel regularly. 6 Be able to admit that something you did may have been wrong and don't be afraid to apologize. It might be hard, but it's better for everyone if you just admit to your mistakes and apologize. It saves everyone the trouble of being mad that you're being stubborn and teaches your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, as well as the importance of an apology. Simply calm yourself, evaluate the situation, determine what you did wrong and why. Then apologize and explain how or why you acted the way you did. A good way to start off may be: "I would like to apologize for how I acted earlier, and I realize that I was wrong," then transition into the rest. 7 Respect your child's love for the other parent. You should not be jealous of your child loving their Dad. 8 Lastly, love your children more than anything. Without loving them, it means nothing whatever you do in your life. And understand whenever you love your child or not, somehow deep in your child's heart, they will love you forever whenever they are loved, or not. NOTE: always be there no matter what Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should be in order to earn your love. Don't use the phrase, "I carried you for 9 months!" in an argument. Your kids will most likely not understand what you actually had to go through, and it won't be really effective. If they break a boundary, make sure there are consequences. Do not let them wheedle out of the consequences, minimize it, or delay it, or else it will not be as effective. Make sure their father will help enforce the boundary. Always try to be fair. Support and love your children in everything they do. Spend quality time with your child. Play ball with your son or do a craft project with your daughter. And make sure you have fun Create boundaries and enforce them. No means no; once you say it, don't cave unless there is a highly developed debate and logical evidence for you to change your mind. You are not your child's friend, you are the authority figure. Don't be afraid to teach your kids about safety of all kinds: fire safety, gun safety, how to be safe while home alone, stranger danger, or what to do if someone breaks into the house. Start these lessons at a young age (say 4 or 5). Although that may seem like a young age, kids' minds are like sponges at this time, and more than likely they will understand what you're saying and remember it easier the earlier you start to teach them. Parents need to teach their children how to be successful adults. Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves.

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

How to Handle a Cheating Partner Many people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Although there may be two sides to the story, unfaithfulness is not acceptable and is emotionally harmful to the other spouse. Firstly, Consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight onto yourself. 2.Assure yourself you can live with the knowledge of your partner's betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage they have committed. 3.Begin mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once in a while gatherings--no contact whatsoever. 4.Dig deeper: The root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things between you and your partner will never be the same again, but with a little work, it can still be good. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible. NOTE: It’s easy to believe that the person who cheats, cheats themselves more than anyone else by losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end up in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed. Someone else always pays for what a cheater does. If your partner has a history of cheating on you, and you suspect their 'remorse' is not real, don't kid yourself. They very likely have little respect for you, and are likely to continue their actions when they don't expect to get caught. The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one has cheated are situations where the cheater admits to it. People who confess without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life. If you feel by yourself that you truly love someone, know that you are in danger. So make small room for disappointment, to avoid killings and suicides. Don't give yourself a heart attack,if you try your best and its not working, get out when you can

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

How to Handle a Cheating Partner Many people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Although there may be two sides to the story, unfaithfulness is not acceptable and is emotionally harmful to the other spouse. Firstly, Consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight onto yourself. 2.Assure yourself you can live with the knowledge of your partner's betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage they have committed. 3.Begin mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once in a while gatherings--no contact whatsoever. 4.Dig deeper: The root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things between you and your partner will never be the same again, but with a little work, it can still be good. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible. NOTE: It’s easy to believe that the person who cheats, cheats themselves more than anyone else by losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end up in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed. Someone else always pays for what a cheater does. If your partner has a history of cheating on you, and you suspect their 'remorse' is not real, don't kid yourself. They very likely have little respect for you, and are likely to continue their actions when they don't expect to get caught. The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one has cheated are situations where the cheater admits to it. People who confess without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life. If you feel by yourself that you truly love someone, know that you are in danger. So make small room for disappointment, to avoid killings and suicides. Don't give yourself a heart attack,if you try your best and its not working, get out when you can

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

How to Handle a Cheating Partner Many people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Although there may be two sides to the story, unfaithfulness is not acceptable and is emotionally harmful to the other spouse. Firstly, Consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight onto yourself. 2.Assure yourself you can live with the knowledge of your partner's betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage they have committed. 3.Begin mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once in a while gatherings--no contact whatsoever. 4.Dig deeper: The root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things between you and your partner will never be the same again, but with a little work, it can still be good. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible. NOTE: It’s easy to believe that the person who cheats, cheats themselves more than anyone else by losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end up in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed. Someone else always pays for what a cheater does. If your partner has a history of cheating on you, and you suspect their 'remorse' is not real, don't kid yourself. They very likely have little respect for you, and are likely to continue their actions when they don't expect to get caught. The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one has cheated are situations where the cheater admits to it. People who confess without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life. If you feel by yourself that you truly love someone, know that you are in danger. So make small room for disappointment, to avoid killings and suicides. Don't give yourself a heart attack,if you try your best and its not working, get out when you can

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

How to Handle a Cheating Partner Many people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Although there may be two sides to the story, unfaithfulness is not acceptable and is emotionally harmful to the other spouse. Firstly, Consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight onto yourself. 2.Assure yourself you can live with the knowledge of your partner's betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage they have committed. 3.Begin mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once in a while gatherings--no contact whatsoever. 4.Dig deeper: The root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things between you and your partner will never be the same again, but with a little work, it can still be good. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible. NOTE: It’s easy to believe that the person who cheats, cheats themselves more than anyone else by losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end up in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed. Someone else always pays for what a cheater does. If your partner has a history of cheating on you, and you suspect their 'remorse' is not real, don't kid yourself. They very likely have little respect for you, and are likely to continue their actions when they don't expect to get caught. The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one has cheated are situations where the cheater admits to it. People who confess without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life. If you feel by yourself that you truly love someone, know that you are in danger. So make small room for disappointment, to avoid killings and suicides.

5 Sure-Fire Ways To Enjoy Every Day Of Your Life

We all go through hard times some times,we go through hurdles and rough days but it isn't enough reason to let your self down,if you do that who then is going to bring you up? Look, I can relate with what you're going through okay? So I chose to help by making up this list for you,so read» Learn to laugh Laughter is the healer of all ills. Smiling is the balm that soothes and settles. Both are the medicine that sustains a life of joy. Laugh in the face of problems. Laugh in the path of insurmountable odds. Guffaw in the depths of the valleys, and celebrate with wide beams of sunshine streaming from your mouth when standing on the mountaintops. Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh when you triumph, and laugh when you trip. But don't laugh at the expense of others. Share jokes that lift. Watch clean comedies that lighten the load. See the funny side, and search for it if you have to, to discover another reason to always laugh. Stop taking yourself too seriously Why so serious? Stop it today. Lighten up. So many people are so tightly wound that they will either crack up or blow up. Loosen the bonds of seriousness and be free. Believe you can cross every hurdle if you're strong so free yourself and cheer up. So loosen the screw. Let down your hair. Find a reason to celebrate - for whatever reason - and be free at last from serious seriousdom - the land of the deadly serious - seriously! Surround yourself with winners I don't keep the company of losers. I'm at a loss why anyone would. The fact is that if you want to win in life, then you need to build around you a company of winners - in your field of endeavor and then others who are winners in their respective fields. Winners commit winning acts. Winners speak winning words. Winners have winning ways. Winners sometimes lose, but don't stay down. They get up, dust themselves off and go again. Fill your world with winning books. Watch winning movies. Listen to winning speakers, but most of all associate with winners. True winners won't compete with you - but will join your cheer squad - cheering you on in your winning pursuit. Make it your daily habit to express gratitude Gratitude is of vital importance if you wish to remain fresh and vibrant in all your ways. Never take anything for granted. Always say thank you, and in everything you do, enter with an attitude of gratitude. Show gratitude for another day to breathe, to dream and to fulfill the vision for your life. Hug and kiss your family. Embrace your friends. Cherish your clients. Adore your associates. Write cards. Send positive email communications. Distribute social media comments that lift. With every moment that you live - make your life an overwhelming expression of thankfulness for being given the most awesome privilege to become the ‘best you’ possible throughout your lifetime here on planet earth. For you were born for a time such as this. It is no mistake. You have a divine appointment with destiny. Pursue your passion with 111% enthusiasm We're all passionate about something. Trouble is that most of us are so focused on earning a living that our passions are often brushed aside. But to truly enjoy your life's journey it is imperative that you take time out to identify your strengths and invest time in the pursuit of your passions - the projects, the desires, and the sparks that lights you up on the inside. Then go pursue them with 111% effort and focus. Don't allow the distractions of life to detract you from your life mission. P is for progress, power, productivity, profitability, purposefulness, and it's all wrapped up into living a life filled with the pursuit of your passion. Motivational Memo: Un tighten the screws, let down your hair and find a reason to celebrate your life today! -gracias por leer!

How Couples Can Spend The Weekend?

Weekend has come, it is time to relax and spend some precious moments with your partner! After the hectic week, you have to take out little time for your love and spend with him/her. So, what can couples do to spice up the weekend? Here are few romantic ideas to make the weekends special with your partner. WHAT COUPLES CAN DO ON WEEKENDS?»» Partying: To get over the stress from office and personal lives, partying with your partner can be a great fun! Let go yourself and spend some fun filled moments with each other. You can even make the dancing spicy by increasing the intimacy. Evening walks: This is a really romantic thing couples can do on weekends. Days can be really lousy but a walk with your partner and talk can make the moment very special. Dinner together: How about dinning together on weekends? This is a great idea a man can use to provide some relief to his woman from household work and spend some time with each other. Shopping: You can go with your partner to buy stuffs required at home or personal use. You share new ideas and thoughts about making your house perfect! Lovemaking: This is the most preferred thing couples do on weekends because they don't get time on weekdays and lack of lovemaking can make the relationship unromantic and boring. Break the boring day with a spicy lovemaking session. Try variations for a change! Travel: As it is weekend and Christmas is coming near, you can plan a small trip with your partner to a nearby hill station or a beach to have an incredible and lovely time together. This is an effective way to spend weekend and utilize the free time together. Try these things this weekend to make the time precious with your partner. * WINK* -Gracias Por Leer!

Things You Should Never Do As A Wife

I asked some girlfriends, “What should a wife stop doing if she wants to improve her marriage?” This list is based on their responses. Happy reading! 1. Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it’s wrong. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, “I have to be in control.” 2. Don’t put others before your husband. God designed companionship in marriage so that a husband and wife can meet one another’s need for a close, intimate, human relationship. He even said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” So what happens when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your spouse? Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) toward isolation in your marriage. If you choose, for example, to spend an afternoon shopping with your mom when your husband asked you to watch a football game with him, you may leave hubby feeling that he has second place in your heart. 3. also have unique ways of processing life. One example of this is the need for conversation. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’m guilty of wearing out my husband with countless conversational details that he doesn’t really care about. Now if he was a girlfriend, all of those details would definitely matter! 4. Don’t dishonor your husband. Suggestions included: Stop all nagging and don’t correct hubby in front of others. If you finish your husband’s sentences, you may be unintentionally communicating, “I don’t really care about what you have to say.” 5. Stop expecting your husband to fail you as your dad failed your mom. “I spent many years waiting for my husband to give up and walk out on me, like my dad had years earlier,” said one friend. Her unfounded fears had robbed her marriage of much joy. 6. Don’t put your husband on the defensive. For example, if you are driving around a section of town looking for a restaurant and he’s obviously lost, does it really help for you to tell him that he’s been going around the same block for the fifth time? One wise wife said that she’s learned to be quiet in situations like this. Now, before she makes a comment, she weighs her words—asking herself: “Are my words needed? Would they be encouraging?” Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” 7. Never use sex to bargain with your husband. Some women intentionally or unintentionally say to their husbands, “When I get what I want, you get sex.” However, 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 reminds husbands and wives that their bodies are not their own. “Do not deprive one another …” 8. Stop reminding your husband about things over and over. Don’t make him feel guilty or nitpick him about small stuff. One friend said that when you constantly remind your husband about diet, weight, medication, picking up the dry cleaning, etc., you're are actually acting more like his mother than his wife. 9. Don’t make your husband earn your respect.  Many women think, I’ll respect him when he earns it. But there’s a reason that Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”  As one friend said: “If women could learn to understand that respect is a man's native tongue, that it absolutely heals his heart and ministers to him like nothing else, it would make the biggest difference in the world.” 10. Stop giving your husband your long term to-do list. A colleague warns against overwhelming your husband with too much information. You may unintentionally cause him to feel like a failure, thinking that your long list means you are discontent. Or, he may incorrectly assume that you want him to do something immediately. 11. Don’t act like your spouse is a mind reader: Instead, be specific about your requests. One busy mom said that she used to feel overwhelmed with household chores, wishing her spouse would help her. She now realizes that the only way he knows her needs is when she tells him. “Most often,” she says, “when I simply say, ‘Honey, will you tuck the kids in tonight while I get the kitchen cleaned up,’ he is glad to help.” She’s discovered that a few words are all it takes “to change a resentment-filled, stressed-out night into a team-effort bonding time.” 12. Stop putting housework ahead of hubby: One young mom told her husband that she didn't want to make love one night because she had just changed the sheets and she wanted them to stay clean. What do you think that response said to her husband? Another woman, who puts her husband ahead of the housework, said: “Do not leave the unfolded laundry on your marriage bed. 13. Put an end to taking the lead because you think he won't take it. “The first many years of our marriage,” one wife said, “I would see what needed to be done and get frustrated that my husband would not take charge and get it done.” She went on to say that she’s changed by learning to wait on her husband’s leadership. “I really believe,” she says, “that our men don't lead because we women are too quick to jump in and take care of it all.”  Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body … .” 14. Do not expect your husband to be Prince Charming. After all, the perfect husband only exists in fairy tales and your marriage exists in real life. One young wife said that instead of focusing on her husband’s shortcomings, she’s learned to recognize the wonderful things about him. What’s been the result? He’s been encouraged to do even more to be the man of her dreams. 15. Never look first to a book, a plan, or a person to fix a problem in your marriage. Instead go to God’s Word and believe and act on the things that He says. “He will lead me to any resources I need,” one woman said. “God has already given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) but we have to live according to the promises and expect Him to show up for us.” One question for you my readers The Bible paraphrase The Message, says in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love never gives up … isn’t always ‘me first,’ … doesn’t keep score of the sins of others … trusts God always, always looks for the best.” Now what do your words and actions say to your sweetheart about your love? Do you need to stop doing something in your marriage? Before you answer, think it over and over. Gracias por leer!

Things You Should Never Do As A Wife

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Sharing Child-Care Responsibilities With Your Partner

It may be true that fathers are more involved in their children's day-to-day lives than ever before, but it's also true that women still take the lead when it comes to child-care responsibilities ... even when both parents work full-time. As a result, women are more drained and more frustrated than their male counterparts—and generally more than happy to let you know about it. For the sake of women and marriages everywhere, there are ways to establish and maintain a better balance of responsibilities. (Can we get an "Amen"?) Discuss what is fair when it comes to child-rearing responsibilities. You may not agree on what is fair, but it helps to understand one another. A good rule of thumb—especially for dual-income parents—is "Once we are home together, we are each 50 percent responsible for child care." Obviously, flexibility on a day-to-day basis is always in order. If one parent had a particularly strenuous day and really needs a break, he might ask for a night off ... but it should be mutually understood that "breaks" aren't always possible, and that in the long run the 50/50 balance needs to be maintained. And it can't always be "talked out." Sometimes, if one parent is very exhausted and the other is very, very exhausted, it isn't worth debating who deserves a break. Flip a coin if you can't agree. Be encouraging and fairly noncritical of the less-involved "other parent." The less-involved parent is not likely to do things as efficiently or expertly as the more involved parent would. A mother who asks her husband to "watch the kids" may expect him to interact with the kids in a constructive and creative way, only to find out he is sitting in a central place and simply observing them. (Men tend to follow directions literally.) Be specific about what you want and be willing to express appreciation. (Yes, he probably doesn't express enough appreciation for all you do, but show him appreciation anyway. He'll feel good about it and maybe he'll take the hint that you could use some pats on the back, too.) Avoid negative labels. As strongly as you may feel it, claiming that the less-involved parent "just doesn't care about the kids" will only invite a debate, not create a real solution. It's true, the husband may temporarily comply with your wishes under that kind of pressure, but he'll resent it, and you'll both lose ground in the long run. The less-involved partner who agrees to more involvement should be open to your ideas, and the more-involved parent needs to meet her halfway. Imagine an example where your less-involved partner gets more involved but is gruff with kids (or acts too much like a kid herself that no one seems to be taking charge). You complain, then she gets annoyed at your complaint and says, "I'll do things my way, you do things your way." Now what? The best approach is to find common ground rather than insist your way is best. But each parent must be willing to accept some of what the other suggests. Motivate the less-involved parent. Remind him of the payoffs to being more actively involved (and that doing his share of childrearing is a form of foreplay to you). Truth be told, if your husband is more involved with the kids you are freed up to do other things. You will feel less irritable if you're treated more fairly, and that may very well open the door to sparking your romantic urges. (The number one reason for low sexual desire is fatigue. If you're more energetic because your mate is helping out more, your sexual relationship will probably improve.) Regard "shared responsibility" as a process that needs regular adjustment and alignment, rather than a problem that can be solved, once and for all. Whatever agreements you reach, there will always be exceptions to the rules. Illness, extra work hours or increased demands from children can tip the delicate balance you and your spouse have agreed to. So view this issue as ongoing, one that requires periodic discussion and realignment. Having to talk about "who does what" again isn't a sign of weakness, it's just part of the parenting process.

You Wanna Be a Great Husband? Read»

How to Be a Great Husband There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife and every marriage is different. But there are some common issues that many married couples face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband. 1. Be honest: In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment. Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It's not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both be better off Communicate :Do not talk her ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, she is made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you're talking to her. If you ask her a question, ask because you really want to know. For example, ask her what type of movies she enjoys, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why she might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells her that she can tell you anything. Make her feel safe. 3:Don't brush your wife off: People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.) 4.Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt: Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well. If you show contempt in front of your child(ren) they will then feel that is an appropriate way to treat their mother. A son may feel he can treat his wife with contempt if he witnessed you treat your wife that way. 5.Be romantic. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility). Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your wife wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better! 6.Treat your wife like they're single, like you're trying to earn her affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done with. There are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways. 7.Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women. 8.Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to her when you are out window shopping, and if there is something she likes, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise her with it when she least expects it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell her you were thinking of her when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive - a book you know she will like, or a CD of her favourite band are nice gestures. 9.Give what she needs. Ask her for what she needs to feel loved by you. If she needs you to give her compliments, learn to master the art of compliments. If she needs to you to come home on time, be on time. If you know that you are going to be late coming home, call her and let her know. If she needs you to help children with homework, spend time with the family instead of going out with your friend, or spend a quality time with her, give it to her. Being married is being of service. You give your wife because you love her. True giving is to give what the other person needs. 10.Take care of her. Your wife may feel overwhelmed with kids and work. Don't hesitate to cook her favorite food or make her favorite drink. Help with the kids and help around the house (like doing dishes). Wives aren't superwomen as much as you'd like them to be. 11.Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up 100 percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on or phony. Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends, etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half." 12.Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled. Be Responsible 13.Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains. Just be the most wonderful hubby in the world!

Wives: Simple Ways To Care For Your Husband

How to Care for Your Husband Caring for the husband makes him feel loved and gives you the opportunity to open up your everyday trials to him in a loving way.I'm listing easy-to-do and daily ways to make him feel loved and cared 1.Serve him a morning shot of his favourite coffee.It's a great way to start his day feeling loved. 2.Arrange his toothbrush,floss or other morning grooming things neatly on the bathroom shelf. 3.Bring him the newspaper and give him a peck on his cheek 4.Tell him 'I love you' and kiss him before he leaves for office 5.Call him after lunch and once in the evening for a brief time to tell him some interesting things about home and children 6.Don't always ask him to buy groceries on the way.Try to do shopping on your own or do it with him on Sundays. 7.Make ready the dinner and his favourite drink when he comes come.tell him you missed him. 8.Remind the children to spend time with their daddy even if it is as short as possible. Please Note: Don't compare him to other men . Men have to be loved and cared like children but do not try to be bossy or show your attitude ,it would affect you in the long run Try to adjust to some of his choices and budget constraints.It will result in the establishment of a very happy marriage. Before you feel the urge to have a nasty argument on the above things,think how you would feel if he treated you the same way. Never threaten or embarrass him in order to buy something for you. Never do some action or say something which would spoil the moment with your husband just because you are tired,hysterical or depressed Don't criticize your husband in public and talk to him on the bed. You have to understand and ask your husband for his preference for doing something together.If he feels cared for, he would even tell you to do anything you prefer.

Resolving Conflicts In Your Marriage

When talking to the spouse, don't point fingers. The moment you point the finger, (even if it is not pointing back in the same direction it is still connected to you), that's the moment conflict starts. For instance: "Honey, you never take out the recycling bin." Said the wife. "I took it out last week." Says the husband. Fire lit. The right thing for the wife to say is "Honey, I'm tired, can you please take out the recycling bin for me today?" Normal answer from the husband should be "yes." The wife should say "Thank you!". This way the husband feels appreciated and will do it more often and the wife has more time to something else in return for him or clean up. Fight eye to eye. If the fighting has already started, sit down, and discuss it eye to eye. If your spouse is not willing to sit down, be the 'bigger person' in the conversation and ask them nicely to sit down. Do not pick at the other for little things. For example, your husband might move some of the pillows on to the other chair when he comes home from work everyday and everyday you put them back. Make it a habit! Do not pick at your husband for doing that. Also, if your wife likes to rearrange your mail, give it to her to put in order so that both of you are happy. Nagging at what the other does, doesn't help one bit. Appreciate one another. A thank you for something nice here and there didn't hurt someone. Also, saying sorry to someone, even if they made the mistake, can make a big difference. Let the other make mistakes. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. Do not hold down the other when you wouldn't want to be held down for a mistake. Try not to always plan to annoy, because the only one who is to be annoyed is you more. Okay, we all have our evil days but make sure the spouse is not having a bad day before hand. Spend quality time together. What was the real reason you married the person? To have kids and that's it? I highly doubt that's why most people marry. The person you married is for a companion many people long to have but sometimes never get. Someone who's your best friend when your best friend isn't around. Back to reality, when spending quality time with your significant other it doesn't mean going shopping for 5 hours or going to a baseball game which only one might enjoy. It means take the time out to enjoy the weather to talk, to play, to take a stroll down a country road or even speed race each other at the go-carts. Understand one another. Listen to what the other is saying. for example, women exaggerate. Men, on the other hand, sometimes only say things up front but with out the drama and sometimes only half of what they want to say. Sometimes it can even be the reverse but listen and observe their body language. If they look at you when they are saying it, then they know what they want. But if they tend to look away, they are more likely embarrassed or too shy to say it than not knowing what to say. Do not accuse them of hiding anything because sometimes things are hard to put into real words. Do not snoop in the other's past life. The moment you have tied the knot is the moment you start a new life. Snooping in their past will lead to miss conceptions. To tell you the truth, they were human once too. They grew up in a different world then you did, but you both came together to make a new world. Why try to bring back the old when the new has much more to see? Let it go! The bravest thing one can do is forgive the other person and move on like nothing happened. It may be hard but if you do forgive them, the world will look like a better place to you and you will feel much better. Do not keep an Idle mind. Yes spending time alone once in a while alone is good but too much time by yourself, is not good. When you are by yourself and thinking of what the other 'has done me wrong', the anger inside tends to pent up and you could blow. So best thing to do is invite or go out with some friends and release some of the tension. You and your buddies with both find relief and laughter. Stay clear from the people who try to control your marriage. These people will destroy it. It's okay to get tips on how to avoid problems and how to get out set in stains but when someone says "Oh, My wife always keeps busy in the kitchen making food all day! Women should always be in the kitchen!" This is a sign that person (best friend or not) is not a good person. You can be very venerable to listening to this and go home and do this. Also, when a person might say "Oh, my husband buys me this and that" it is a signal to make one jealous and question their own husband 'why don't you provide for me?' (this provide is not the shelter and food provide but of worldly material). If you do not want to stay clear of these people then change the subject. Stay in control of your marriage. No "okay, you can test drive it!" Keep the green eye monster away. Like the last two steps, Jealousy and the idle mind go hand in hand. Plus do not jump to conclusions. Reason being, many marriages break up because of jealousy and people jumping to conclusions with out listing. If you see them cheating on you or they themselves have said they have, it's your call. But if you just see them talking to some random stranger, you never know it might be for directions or a special gift for someone. Always think positive. If they love you, they probably wouldn't do anything to hurt you...just test you. Be honest with each other. If there is something you disagree on with other other, politely say "I do not agree with you on that. The reason being..." Here is the big one: CHOOSE HAPPINESS OVER BEING RIGHT! Okay, we all want to be right but sometimes being right at the wrong moment can destroy a relationship. Let the other person get away with being wrong and thinking they are right half the time. Don't worry there are 4 benefits,happiness, learning to compromise, knowing that you were right when they realize they were wrong and come to say sorry, and you'll get a laugh out of it. But all in all, being right all the time is not good. Let some mistakes happen. When fighting, do not drag others in. It is a conflict between you and your spouse. Not you, your spouse and best friend/mother/father/child/etc. They probably do not know the whole story anyways. Be the bigger person when the other is really stubborn. Say the "I am sorry." First Solve problems on a FULL STOMACH Do not put in past events because the current event and past are 2 different events. Smile at each other, hug one another,love together! Do not play the blame game. It will only make you a worse person. Keep others out of your conflicts try every way possible to save the marriage before choosing the last option. If your conflicts are not resolved, go to a marriage counselor, that is what they are their for. Agree on sitting down somewhere to talk when there is a subject at matter and stick with it! Gracias por leer!

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Apology In A Relationship

We tend to view apologies as a sign of weak character. But in fact, they require great strength. And we better learn how to get them right, because it's increasingly hard to live in the global village without them. A genuine apology offered and accepted is one of the most profound interactions of civilized people. It has the power to restore damaged relationships, be they on a small scale, between two people, such as intimates, or on a grand scale, between groups of people, even nations. If done correctly, an apology can heal humiliation and generate forgiveness. Yet, even though it's such a powerful social skill, we give precious little thought to teaching our children how to apologize. Most of us never learned very well ourselves. Despite its importance, apologizing is antithetical to the ever-pervasive values of winning, success, and perfection. The successful apology requires empathy and the security and strength to admit fault, failure, and weakness. But we are so busy winning that we can't concede our own mistakes. The botched apology--the apology intended but not delivered, or delivered but not accepted--has serious social consequences. Failed apologies can strain relationships beyond repair or, worse, create life-long grudges and bitter vengeance. As a psychiatrist who has studied shame and humiliation for eight years, I became interested in apology for its healing nature. I am perpetually amazed by how many of my friends and patients--regardless of ethnicity or social class--have long-standing grudges that have cut a destructive swath through their own lives and the lives of family and friends. So many of their grudges could have been avoided altogether or been reconciled with a genuine apology. In my search to learn more about apologies, I have found surprisingly little in the professional literature. The scant research I've unearthed is mostly in linguistics and sociology, but little or nothing touches on the expectations or need for apologies, their meaning to the offender and offended, and the implications of their failure. Religious writings, however, in both Christian and Jewish traditions, are a rich source of wisdom on the subject, under such headings as absolution, atonement, forgiveness, penance, and repentance. The Talmud, in fact, declares that God created repentance before he created the universe. He wisely knew humans would make a lot of mistakes and have a lot of apologizing to do along the way. No doubt the most compelling and common reason to apologize is over a personal offense. Whether we've ignored, belittled, betrayed, or publicly humiliated someone, the common denominator of any personal offense is that we've diminished or injured a person's self-concept. The self-concept is our story about ourselves. It's our thoughts and feelings about who we are, how we would like to be, and how we would like to be perceived by others. If you think of yourself first and foremost as a competent, highly valued professional and are asked tomorrow by your boss to move into a cramped windowless office, you would likely be personally offended. You might be insulted and feel hurt or humiliated. No matter whether the interpersonal wound is delivered in a professional, family, or social setting, its depth is determined by the meaning the event carries to the offended party, the relationship between offender and offended, and the vulnerability of the offended to take things personally. No-shows at family funerals, disputes over wills, betrayals of trust--whether in love or friendship--are situations ripe for wounds to the self-concept. Events of that magnitude put our self-worth on the line, more so for the thin-skinned. Other events people experience as personal offenses include being ignored, treated unfairly, embarrassed by someone else's behavior, publicly humiliated, and having one's cherished beliefs denigrated. So the personal offense has been made, the blow to the self-concept landed, and an apology is demanded or expected. Why bother? I count four basic motives for apologizing: The first is to salvage or restore the relationship. Whether you've hurt someone you love, enjoy, or just plain need as your ally in an office situation, an apology may well rekindle the troubled relationship. You may have purely empathic reasons for apologizing. You regret that you have caused someone to suffer and you apologize to diminish or end their pain. The last two motives are not so lofty: Some people apologize simply to escape punishment, such as the criminal who apologizes to his victim in exchange for a lesser plea. Others apologize simply to relieve themselves of a guilty conscience. They feel so ashamed of what they did that, even though it may not have bothered you that much, they apologize profusely. A long letter explaining why the offender was a half hour late to dinner would be such an occasion. And in so doing, they are trying to maintain some self-respect, because they are nurturing an image of themselves in which the offense, lack of promptness, violates some basic self-concept. Whatever the motive, what makes an apology work is the exchange of shame and power between the offender and the offended. By apologizing, you take the shame of your offense and redirect it to yourself. You admit to hurting or diminishing someone and, in effect, say that you are really the one who is diminished--I'm the one who was wrong, mistaken, insensitive, or stupid. In acknowledging your shame you give the offended the power to forgive. The exchange is at the heart of the healing process. ANATOMY OF AN APOLOGY But in practice, it's not as easy as it sounds. There's a right way and a wrong way to apologize. There are several integral elements of any apology and unless they are accounted for, an apology is likely to fail. First, you have to acknowledge that a moral norm or an understanding of a relationship was violated, and you have to accept responsibility for it. You must name the offense--no glossing over in generalities like, "I'm sorry for what I have done." To be a success, the apology has to be specific--"I betrayed you by talking behind your back" or "I missed your daughter's wedding." You also have to show you understand the nature of your wrongdoing and the impact it had on the person--"I know I hurt you and I am so very sorry." This is one of the most unifying elements of the apology. By acknowledging that a moral norm was violated, both parties affirm a similar set of values. The apology reestablishes a common moral ground. The second ingredient to a successful apology is an explanation for why you committed the offense in the first place. An effective explanation makes the point that what you did isn't representative of who you are. You may offer that you were tired, sick, drunk, distracted, or in love--and that it will not happen again. Such an explanation protects your self-concept.

Feel Beautiful,You Deserve It

So, what is real beauty? It sure isn't a secret ingredient in ultra long-lasting lip gloss, and you surely won't find it hidden in the cosmetics aisle at the drug store. Its the knowledge that you like yourself, and that you're true to your own heart. It's having eyes that sparkle with compassion and see the best in people. It's having lips that speak strongly when you've been pushed around and gently when someone else has been. The most beautiful trait you can have is confidence! Figure out what you like about yourself and let it shine. In this article, you will learn how to love yourself, as well as everyone else. Choose where you fit in,are you; Loving Studious Hardworking Confident Friendly Strong Clever Attractive Sharp Easygoing? Praise people for what they can do, not just how they look: Compliment a friend today on something other than his/her appearance. Tell your family and friends about your accomplishments. When you accomplish something you're really proud of - whether it's passing a tough test or finishing a winning soccer season -that's when you're at your most beautiful. Give yourself a pat on the back! Call a grandparent or e-mail a favorite aunt to share the news. Celebrate with family and friends. Don't obsess about your appearance. Everyone is beautiful in their own special way. It's fine to want to see what's changing and to daydream about who you're becoming. But spending too much time in front of the mirror - or peeking at your reflection in every mirror you pass - is not worth it. You've got better things to do! Accept compliments genuinely. When your friend says,"You look great," don't brush her off with "I think these pants make me goofy." Just say "Thanks," and let the words sink in. Celebrate taking care of yourself. Take time today to pamper your skin with great-smelling soap to lotion. Clean and cut your nails. Give your body respect, and you'll get respect from the rest of the world, too. Even if you wake up feeling lousy - or just lazy - wash your face, comb your hair, brush your teeth, and get dressed in your favorite jeans and t-shirt. Don't waste your time comparing yourself to others.It will only lower your confidence and bring you down. There's no one out there just like you, who was grown up with your experiences and has your talents. Also remember to listen to your body when you play sports. Don't push yourself past your body's limits, even if you're told to toughen up. Your instincts will tell you when to stop. Be confident. Don't trash yourself, and always be optimistic. When you feel low on confidence, think to yourself, "I am awesome, no matter what others say." Try to change the subject if your friends start talking about their weight or diet. Show them that there are more interesting things to talk about, such as how their soccer team is doing and how old their little golden retriever pup is this month. Know that it's OK not to feel perky or peppy all the time. Sometimes you just have to live with the bad feelings and just know they'll pass. If you feel seriously sad, be sure to talk to an adult who cares about you. Also, when you're in a bad mood, your body knows it. Think about which part of your body gets out of whack when you're crabby or upset. Do you get a stomach ache when you're nervous about a test? Do you get a headache when you feel anxious? If you recognize your body's signals, you may be able to figure out what's bothering you and make yourself feel better. Don't care about what other people think. Have you been hurt by words? Remember this: People who insult others usually do it to make themselves be powerful. Know what that means? They're probably insecure. They are the ones who lack confidence, so try not to bend into the pressure to return their jabs with an insult. Believe in yourself. Though it may sound cheesy, it actually does make you more confident. Believe that you can accomplish whatever task is at hand. When you finish, you'll feel good because you knew you could do it. So don't give up and try your best. NOTE:Walk straight and head up, good posture gives you confidence and will make you look good wherever you go. Gracias por leer!

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Accepting a Marriage Proposal: Rules of Engagement

Dating can be fun and a time for hanging out and having fun. However, what happens when the dating is taken to the next level by a proposal of marriage? Maybe it is something the women kept hoping for and finally gave up. Maybe it was never even anticipated until the moment of the proposal. It doesn't matter how, or even when it happens, what matters most is, should the proposal be accepted? There are several factors that any female should take into consideration before becoming engaged, because obviously, the next step would be a marriage. Love, not lust should be the first reason for anyone to contemplate a martial union. The length of time a person has already known the person they intend to marry. There has been a lot that has been said about how opposites attract. However it is very important that you share at least some interests. Often times a couple will separate because on down the road the only thing they have in common is some feelings at the start and sex. This is a good time to examine why you would accept the proposal and even why you are dating this man. Oftentimes, young ladies will want to jump into a marriage because they are miserable at their home living with their present family. Ladies, ask yourself these questions and then decide if it is time to get married: What are your expectations of the man you want to spend your life with? (Putting the love factor aside). I tell a lot of Christian females that this should be what they should look for in a man. Do they love God first? Is there equal spiritual ground? This is so very important. You can both believe in God, but is it the same God? It won't be too mismatched if one of you are a little more stronger in your faith. But just make sure you are both on the same page of whom God is? How does he treat his mother, his sisters or other female figures beside you? If he treats his mother good, then more then likely, he will also treat you good, too. What kind of financial issues is he dealing with? Has he ever been arrested? How is his school attendance and grades been? Is he over indulgent in any type of sports or anything that will distract him from being a good mate? Is he possessive or controlling? Let's face it: No one is perfect and we all have issues. However, you need to really observe all of these behaviors before accepting the engagement ring. Is he willing to work to take care of you? Will he have issues if you choose to maintain a job or go to college? Does he get jealous if others look at you? Does he have a roaming eye? Will he be committed to you or will he have other affairs? Once you put that ring on your finger and accept the engagement, it becomes a little more difficult to give back the ring and break the engagement. I have heard of a lot of people who had problems along the way during the engagement, but because everything was a planned out and the invitations had been sent out, the couple ended up married into a disastrous relationship that should not have happened. Please, don't be afraid to stop the whole thing if suddenly you find that there are things you know will make you miserable on down the road. One thing I can't stress enough is communicate, communicate, and communicate. No relationship can last without being able to talk and discuss things. Another thing to remember also, is that in time all things change. Are you will to accept most of those changes? Remember, your vows are for better or worse. You need to ask him if he will accept you with the changes you will go through? You can watch how he treats people with disabilities or obese people. This will indicate to you how you may get treated if you suddenly ended up with a disability or put on some weight. How do you both feel about child bearing and child rearing? How does he treat children? Of course if you both do not want to have children, then that won't be an issue. Please, don't lie to yourself or to the man you might marry. If you both will take a realistic look at the whole picture, then you both may just be on your way to many happy and exciting years together! -Gracias por leer!

Advantages Of Drinking

Despite the fact that water is something that has no taste, we still love it! Who doesn’t relish the feeling of a cool drink of water on a sweltering hot day? Approximately 70% of our body’s mass is made of water and according to a number of doctors, drinking a total of eight glasses of water a day fulfils the necessary requirement of this liquid our body demands. For a long time now, I have been searching regarding the benefits associated with water. Finally, after reviewing countless websites, I  have compiled a list, highlighting the advantages of drinking water that can surely help you in living a healthy life. So, here are the 11advantages of drinking water: 1) Water is the only liquid on Earth that safely reduces weight. It removes the by-products of fat and keeps you fresh and healthy. Drinking water regularly, suppresses your appetite to a great extent and limits your food  intake. Another distinct feature of water is that it literally contains no calories, hence, contributing significantly to weight loss 2) Do you want to look younger? Problem solved! Just drink lots of water every day! Water is a perfect replacement for your expensive ageing treatments. It moisturises your skin and keeps it fresh and glistening thereby enhancing its overall appeal. In addition, it helps maintain the elasticity and suppleness of the skin and prevents dryness by detoxifying the skin. Hence, one should strictly avoid dehydrating foods and beverages such as caffeine (cola, chocolate, coffee, tea) and alcohol 3) Drinking enough water can also combat skin disorders such as eczema, psoriasis, dry skin, wrinkles and spots 4) Water is an essential component required for the effective working of our body since body parts including our brain and the various tissues are mostly composed of water. Considering this, water can significantly improve our ability to think and make us energetic too. 5) Water removes toxins and most of the waste products from our body contributing to a healthy quality of life. If our body lacks water then our heart has to make an extra effort to pump fresh oxygenated blood to our organs causing severe health issues 6) A study conducted in the Loma Linda university in California, involving 20 men and woman in the age range of 38 to 100 years, concluded that those who drank enough water throughout the day were less likely to have a heart attack (41% in women and 54% in men). Hence, it can be suggested that if you substitute water with milk, tea, coffee or other beverages then you will have increased chances of incurring a heart attack, with a precise rate of 50% in women and 46% in men. 7)  Water helps to relieve headaches and back pain. Although there are many reasons that contribute to headaches, dehydration is one of the most common ones 8) Regular intake of water increases your metabolic rate and improves your digestive system. If you are constipated, try drinking more water - it can work wonders! 9) Drinking plenty of water helps fight against the flu and other ailments like kidney stones. Water, along with lemon or lemon juice is often used to overcome respiratory diseases, intestinal problems, rheumatism and arthritis. On the whole, water plays a fundamental role in strengthening your immune system 10) Research suggests that drinking substantial amounts of water is likely to reduce the risks of bladder and colon cancer. This is because water has the ability to dilute the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and reduce the time they take to come in contact with the bladder lining 11) The human body needs a neutral Ph 7 range in order to function properly. Drinking enough water throughout the day helps maintain this balance. Given that dehydration, “the excessive loss of body fluid” can be a major source of aggravating one’s health, it seems obvious that drinking sufficient water is of utmost importance for a healthy lifestyle. Water determines the effective functioning of the body and a healthier body means a happier life! So, if you haven’t already, go to the nearest water cooler and pour yourself a large glass of water; repeat this practice eight times a day for best results!

Isa's Ordeal »Read»»

A brief story to feed our thoughts, its about a girl named ISA. Down town was an innocent minded girl named ISA who woke up one morning to realize hard work had paid off as her admission letter into college had popped her mail,it was a happy moment for dear Isa because she loved to study hard, was of course brilliant and could barely wait for college. After reading the email she ran off quickly to announce the good news to family and friends and necessary steps were taken to get her into the college,and boom! Congratulations to ISA on her first year in school. It was the end of her first year and she was happy for herself over her good grades all through the semesters. Over To Her Second Year,things were fine and rosy as she studied harder without much stress. Isa lived in a secluded area in town which was a bit closer to school. It was the second semester in her second year when she got home from school that ill evening at 5:25pm, took her bath,ate and slept off cos she was fagged-out and at 8:30pm she was awakened by a knock,poor Isa who was hoping it was a neighbour got up rubbing her puffy eyes and opened the door and behold four masked men who violently pushed her back inside pointing a gun at her,on seeing that, Isa prostrated thinking they were robbers begged them in a quivering voice to take her phone and anything else but spare her life but one of the masked men said "its only one thing we want and its your body,so strip!" He put on her radio and increased the volume to the maximum so the sound of them wouldn't be heard by neighbours,Poor helpless Isa began to cry and struggle as she was gangraped mercilessly by the men,after taking her in turns they ran out leaving Isa feeble on the floor. guess what! Isa hymen has just been broken,do you know what that means? She has just lost her virginity to hoodlums and that was the last day of Isa's innocence. She was taken to the hospital and treated but it was never the same Isa,a lot went wrong psychologically and mentally and with fear for stigma Isa decided not to tell her family or friends. Yikes! Did I forget to tell you Isa was only 18 year old? Yes she was and yes this is where I have to end this episode on ISA's ORDEAL. Want to know what happened after the rape? Keep your eyes on the #blog and you sure will. Now tell me,was Isa right by not letting her family know about it and seeking help from a therapist who could have he.

lped her get over the trauma? Send us an email - gracias por leer!

Love At First Sight,Right or Wrong»

You walk into a party and head for the bar suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink and you begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr Right But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast? Yes We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her). Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: Voice» Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. His words» We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo). But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts. Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-Gurion University in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance. There was this time this friend went on a first date came home screaming "I'm inlove" and barely 78hours she says "nah, I need to be sure I'm inlove with him"so you see? Well,Would you fall inlove at first sight?

What's Your Dating Label?

Which of the following statements most accurately reflects your attitude toward dating? Dating is funny I'm learning a lot: Where I am is exactly where I need to be I'm a great catch and attract great people I have faith: I know in my heart it will all work out Dating sucks I'm losing patience I'm unlucky in love I'm losing faith: No good guys are left Yea,you could fall into any of these but hey,there's always some way out. Remember there's always light at the end of the tunnel. You wanna be inspired? keep on your eyes on the #blog a. nd you definitely will

Coping With Trauma

When something traumatic happens, the shock can reverberate in our thoughts and feelings for extended periods of time. The amount of time it takes to recover corresponds to the degree of loss the trauma represents and how attached the Mind is to reliving what happened. Trauma taps into very deep emotional structures in the Mind, and if we do not employ consciousness to navigate the emotional landscape of our trauma, it can easily morph into a life-long melodrama which we act out unconsciously. Here is some practical advice for dealing with a traumatic event. Recognize what is happening in your Mind» The Mind is a story-teller who loves to embellish the tale with each telling. So, stick with the facts. Just the facts! Refrain from going into what-if scenarios of how close a call it was, or dwelling on what might have been, if only… What occurred is what happened, and nothing the Mind makes up about it is real. Bring yourself back to the present moment» Traumatic events tend to play like a movie, over and over again in the Mind. When you catch yourself re-living the horror, bring yourself back to the present moment by breathing deeply and feeling your feet. Notice what is happening right now: the chair in which you are sitting, whether or not it is day or night, the sounds you are hearing, etc. You cannot do these things in any other moment than the one in which you find yourself, but also realize that, at least initially, you might have to do this exercise a thousand times a day. Take a breath before taking action» Many of us medicate our emotions through action. If we don’t take a breath and try to think clearly before we act, we can expend a lot of energy doing things that are not really constructive and which might even be destructive. If it is impossible for you to evaluate your action, ask a trusted friend who has no investment in the outcome whether or not it makes sense to take the action you want to take. On the other hand, if you are paralyzed when you know you need to act, breathe your way through it and do the best you can. Wait out your emotional wave before making any big decisions» After a traumatic event, the emotional wave is like a tsunami, and its power to distort your reality is very great indeed. Wait, wait, wait and wait some more. The dilemmas created by turbulent emotions usually resolve themselves into emotional clarity with the passage of time. Since most of the things you think when you are terribly upset are not altogether true, wait until your emotional wave has subsided, and don’t think for a minute that getting the decision behind you will solve anything, especially if that decision is made prematurely. Feel your feelings» Try to distinguish how you feel from how your emotions are reacting. You may feel angry at the way this is affecting your life. You may feel confused about the things which you do not understand about this. You will no doubt feel tremendous grief and sadness over what has been lost, even if the loss is just a starry notion you once held dear. Feelings happen in the present moment, and they are responses to what is happening right now. Emotional reactions are about the past or the future. What are you feeling right now about right now? Embrace uncertainty» Most trauma stimulates fear of uncertainty. Our universe has changed suddenly and traumatically, and we feel our losses acutely. One of the effects of this is that uncertainties we weren’t aware of before the event now become obvious. The loss of a job can bring up huge financial uncertainties. The loss of a partner or spouse can raise doubts about many things we once held as certain. A health crisis can bring up many of our worst fears about pain and even death. So, identify the specific uncertainty that is causing you to be afraid and ask yourself, “Can I accept this as uncertain, just for now?” Don’t make stuff up» The past can only be experienced as a memory, and the future is purely speculation. The story-teller in your Mind wants to wrap its script around the facts of the past and imagine what the future holds. No matter what happened before this moment, the moment is all there really is. Distortion of reality compounds itself when you believe in a future you imagine, based on what you make up about the past. Break the pattern of making stuff up by asking yourself, “Is that really true? Or did I make that up?” Work on accepting what happened» One hallmark of trauma is our massive emotional resistance to embracing that the trauma occurred at all. We may long for the idyllic or peaceful time before the trauma and desperately want back whatever we lost. We may wish with all our might that we had made a different choice than the one that led up to the traumatic event. If we believe we made a mistake that resulted in the event, we may dwell endlessly on wishing we hadn’t done whatever it was. None of this is productive because what is so cannot be undone. In time we can work to accept what has happened, and the sooner we work toward acceptance, the sooner we will be able to feel at peace again. Don’t fix blame» Shame, blame, guilt, outrage, pity and self-pity are corrosive and artificial. Don’t engage in them! The best we can do when bad things happen is to realize that we are imperfect humans trying to be perfect, and that’s not a bad thing. Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people, and when bad things happen, we can evolve from the challenge and grow into wiser, more resilient people as a result. Sometimes we are responsible for what happened, and sometimes others are responsible. If we indulge in blaming, no one can be accountable and no one can grow. Seek appropriate help» If your loss is catastrophic, or if you realize you are not able to let go and move on by yourself, seek appropriate help. Friends and family may not be the best people to provide you with ongoing support. You may want to consult with a trained counselor or spiritual advisor instead. If your loss is a death of a loved one, many communities offer free support and services through Hospice. If you believe you cannot afford professional help, investigate what assistance may be available from community service organizations in your area. Note This» Trauma is a part of life. While pain isn’t exactly desirable, it’s also not avoidable. Our greatest personal growth usually comes from going all the way through our pain to get to the other side of it. If we resist the pain, then the trauma winds up stuck in a closed loop in the Mind as an emotionally charged issue or drama. If we are willing to go all the way through our pain, we can achieve peace and acceptance, and then move on. Remember, the ability to accept loss and move on is one of the keys to living a long and fulfilling life.

Coping With Trauma

When something traumatic happens, the shock can reverberate in our thoughts and feelings for extended periods of time. The amount of time it takes to recover corresponds to the degree of loss the trauma represents and how attached the Mind is to reliving what happened. Trauma taps into very deep emotional structures in the Mind, and if we do not employ consciousness to navigate the emotional landscape of our trauma, it can easily morph into a life-long melodrama which we act out unconsciously. Here is some practical advice for dealing with a traumatic event. Recognize what is happening in your Mind» The Mind is a story-teller who loves to embellish the tale with each telling. So, stick with the facts. Just the facts! Refrain from going into what-if scenarios of how close a call it was, or dwelling on what might have been, if only… What occurred is what happened, and nothing the Mind makes up about it is real. Bring yourself back to the present moment» Traumatic events tend to play like a movie, over and over again in the Mind. When you catch yourself re-living the horror, bring yourself back to the present moment by breathing deeply and feeling your feet. Notice what is happening right now: the chair in which you are sitting, whether or not it is day or night, the sounds you are hearing, etc. You cannot do these things in any other moment than the one in which you find yourself, but also realize that, at least initially, you might have to do this exercise a thousand times a day. Take a breath before taking action» Many of us medicate our emotions through action. If we don’t take a breath and try to think clearly before we act, we can expend a lot of energy doing things that are not really constructive and which might even be destructive. If it is impossible for you to evaluate your action, ask a trusted friend who has no investment in the outcome whether or not it makes sense to take the action you want to take. On the other hand, if you are paralyzed when you know you need to act, breathe your way through it and do the best you can. Wait out your emotional wave before making any big decisions» After a traumatic event, the emotional wave is like a tsunami, and its power to distort your reality is very great indeed. Wait, wait, wait and wait some more. The dilemmas created by turbulent emotions usually resolve themselves into emotional clarity with the passage of time. Since most of the things you think when you are terribly upset are not altogether true, wait until your emotional wave has subsided, and don’t think for a minute that getting the decision behind you will solve anything, especially if that decision is made prematurely. Feel your feelings» Try to distinguish how you feel from how your emotions are reacting. You may feel angry at the way this is affecting your life. You may feel confused about the things which you do not understand about this. You will no doubt feel tremendous grief and sadness over what has been lost, even if the loss is just a starry notion you once held dear. Feelings happen in the present moment, and they are responses to what is happening right now. Emotional reactions are about the past or the future. What are you feeling right now about right now? Embrace uncertainty» Most trauma stimulates fear of uncertainty. Our universe has changed suddenly and traumatically, and we feel our losses acutely. One of the effects of this is that uncertainties we weren’t aware of before the event now become obvious. The loss of a job can bring up huge financial uncertainties. The loss of a partner or spouse can raise doubts about many things we once held as certain. A health crisis can bring up many of our worst fears about pain and even death. So, identify the specific uncertainty that is causing you to be afraid and ask yourself, “Can I accept this as uncertain, just for now?” Don’t make stuff up» The past can only be experienced as a memory, and the future is purely speculation. The story-teller in your Mind wants to wrap its script around the facts of the past and imagine what the future holds. No matter what happened before this moment, the moment is all there really is. Distortion of reality compounds itself when you believe in a future you imagine, based on what you make up about the past. Break the pattern of making stuff up by asking yourself, “Is that really true? Or did I make that up?” Work on accepting what happened» One hallmark of trauma is our massive emotional resistance to embracing that the trauma occurred at all. We may long for the idyllic or peaceful time before the trauma and desperately want back whatever we lost. We may wish with all our might that we had made a different choice than the one that led up to the traumatic event. If we believe we made a mistake that resulted in the event, we may dwell endlessly on wishing we hadn’t done whatever it was. None of this is productive because what is so cannot be undone. In time we can work to accept what has happened, and the sooner we work toward acceptance, the sooner we will be able to feel at peace again. Don’t fix blame» Shame, blame, guilt, outrage, pity and self-pity are corrosive and artificial. Don’t engage in them! The best we can do when bad things happen is to realize that we are imperfect humans trying to be perfect, and that’s not a bad thing. Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people, and when bad things happen, we can evolve from the challenge and grow into wiser, more resilient people as a result. Sometimes we are responsible for what happened, and sometimes others are responsible. If we indulge in blaming, no one can be accountable and no one can grow. Seek appropriate help» If your loss is catastrophic, or if you realize you are not able to let go and move on by yourself, seek appropriate help. Friends and family may not be the best people to provide you with ongoing support. You may want to consult with a trained counselor or spiritual advisor instead. If your loss is a death of a loved one, many communities offer free support and services through Hospice. If you believe you cannot afford professional help, investigate what assistance may be available from community service organizations in your area. Note This» Trauma is a part of life. While pain isn’t exactly desirable, it’s also not avoidable. Our greatest personal growth usually comes from going all the way through our pain to get to the other side of it. If we resist the pain, then the trauma winds up stuck in a closed loop in the Mind as an emotionally charged issue or drama. If we are willing to go all the way through our pain, we can achie. ve peace and acceptance, and then move on. Remember, the ability to accept loss and move on is one of the keys to living a long and fulfilling life.

Staying Mentally Strong

How to Stay Mentally Strong Whether you're going through a hard time, you're depressed, or feeling down! Staying mentally strong can help overcome the downsides in life,your mental stability matters,so read»» Write your current feelings down» Writing your feelings down will give you a stronger idea of the reasons you're feeling the way you are. Some of these bad feelings can be easily fixed by you, if you can identify them. Stay Active» Exercise helps the brain create 'feel-good' chemicals which will almost always boost your mood to an extent. Go for a walk, jog, go to the gym, or action that will get your heart pumping. Become An Optimist» Easier said than done, but learn to notice the more positive sides of your situations. Though you might be going through a hard time, there is always something to think about or look forward to that will overcome the negative. Music» Simply play music that appeals to you, maybe something that you can relate to in some shape or form. Make sure this music is not sad and negative. Play happy songs! Socialize» Talking to positive & happy people will soon have an affect on yourself and will rub off on you overtime. Learn To Relax» For a short while a day, simply relax, let everything go, and look at your situation from another level. This will help you reflect on what's going on in your life. Sleep» A good nights sleep will make you feel better. A rested mind is a healthy mind, and a healthy mind is a happy mind! Tips»» Motivation is important. If you want to be mentally strong, effort is needed. Don't give up» Believe and don't let anyone get you down. Rise above them and know that subcons. ciously you are already strong. You just need to prove it to yourself. Keep yourself busy» But also give yourself time to relax at some point in the day. Positive people, positive you» Socialize with happy, positive people!

Coping With Emotional Pain

Life, while mostly enjoyable, does have its ups and downs. The sun shines on the evil and the good. Pain is an inevitable part of life. Never think that you've been singled out for pain. We all seem to understand that physical pain takes time to subside, and as the wound or illness that caused the pain heals, the pain will ease. What we have more trouble with is realizing that emotional pain also takes time to heal. Tips and Warnings: Don't try to cure what is normal. Temporary emotional pain is caused by any number of events: death of a loved one, a breakup, thoughtlessness or cruelty on the part of others. When you're hurting because of any of the above, accept that it's normal to feel hurt or angry for a short time. Let's face it: if a loved one dies, only a very cold person would be unaffected by it. If you love someone and that person dumps you, it's natural to feel hurt. These things are normal. Trying to cure what is normal is pointless. Expect to feel pain for a while - it's normal. 2- There's a statement that goes something like, 'If you get (enter mad, hurt, insulted, offended, etc., here) it's your fault.' That's just not true. That suggests that people don't love, or bond, or trust, or invest emotions. If you have emotional pain, there's a reason for it. 3- Don't pretend you don't feel it. The pain is real. You have to address it, or you will never get beyond it. Don't try to rush through this season of pain. Even though all you can really think about is ending the pain, the truth is that just allowing yourself the feelings is important. Masking your pain when you're trying to work or just get through each day may be necessary to a point, but make sure to allow yourself some "me-time" - some time to allow yourself to really feel all of the feelings you are having, rather than just suppressing and denying them. 4- Identify all of your feelings. Are you just heartbroken? Or are you angry, too? Maybe just the tiniest bit relieved - which is also making you feel guilty? Do you feel betrayed? Insecure? Afraid? Giving some thought to exactly how you are feeling can be very helpful in processing all of your emotions in the wake of a traumatic or life-changing event. 5- Endure it. Things that cannot be cured must be endured. It sounds obvious, but sometimes, thinking of emotional pain as if it were physical pain can be very helpful. Think of your broken heart just as if it were your arm that is broken instead. A broken arm takes time to heal, and it hurts like crazy just after it's broken, even after it's been set and casted. A few days later, it doesn't hurt so much. But weeks or even months later, if you bump or jar it, that pain can come roaring back to life with a vengeance. You baby it a little, take care not to aggravate it, and eventually, it's stronger where it was broken than it was before. You have no choice - you can't cut off the arm. That won't make it hurt any less. You just have to endure it while it heals. 6- Talk to someone. There are times when it seems that the hurt you feel inside is just too deep to talk about. You feel like no one could understand. Or maybe you worry because your loved ones didn't share your feelings about whatever it is that's hurting you. Maybe they didn't care for your boyfriend, whom you just broke up with, or they didn't know your friend, who passed away. You may be right - they may not totally understand. But right now, it isn't being understood that you need. It's compassion. Your family and friends love you. They see you hurting and want to help. Sometimes, if you will just try to talk out your feelings, say something about what hurts, it can help start your healing. Letting someone put his or her arm around you and hearing them say, "It's going to be okay" may not seem that helpful, but it really is, because it helps you feel you're not totally alone. Realizing that someone wants to be there for you will help. 7- Don't let anyone tell you that your feelings aren't real. They are real, significant, and important. And, they're your feelings. Feeling alone doesn't mean there is no one around. Feeling sad doesn't mean you'll never be happy. Feel your feelings, think your thoughts, but realize they're just feelings and thoughts. 8- Get your mind off yourself and how bad you feel. You have the right to feel sorry for yourself - for 10 minutes. Then move on. No exceptions. Go out with friends. Tell yourself that you will not talk about your pain for more than a few minutes - you will not bring down the activity by wallowing in it. Don't let your friends walk on egg shells around you just because you've been traumatized. You still need to live. Distract yourself by just forgetting it for a little while. If you're grieving a death, or heartbroken over a breakup, especially, giving yourself a little time to just be without obsessing on the event that hurts will help you to heal and move past it. That's not to say that you just forget about it and move on - no. It's only to say that even grief needs to take a breather. Give your weary heart a little respite, and let it mend with the love and lightness of heart that comes from being with friends, or doing something that brings you pleasure. There will be time to cry again, but not just now. 9- Allow time to heal. This is part of just enduring. You will need to muster up the patience to allow healing to commence. There isn't any substitute for just ... waiting. Time requires one thing: that you allow it to pass. Getting past emotional pain requires a grieving process, which takes time. 10- Don't let your pain define you. Remember you are greater than this hard time, you have a past and a future. You have awareness and creativity. This was a single episode which will soon pass. 11- Write a letter. Writing down your feelings can help you to sort them out. It can help more if you use positive "I messages" instead of negative ones. If you don't write, talk about your feelings with someone close or a therapist. Don't justify them, just talk about them, get them out, and listen to what you say. 12- Stay away from statements that blame you or others. Take responsibility for your actions, and your part of whatever went wrong, but do not indulge in blaming. The question of "And whose fault is/was that?" does not apply. 13- Develop a learning orientation. Life hands you difficulties so you can learn from them. People who have really easy lives fall apart when bad things happen because they have never learned how to cope or let things roll off their backs. Everything, even very painful times, can be used to learn better coping skills and to develop wisdom and perspective about life that will help you deal with many difficulties in the future. Whatever doesn't destroy you can serve to make you stronger. 14- Make a 'Thankfulness List'. Write down what you are thankful for, even basic things like having clothes and a warm place to sleep, then moving to people who care for you, and good things in your life. Being thankful is naturally healing and will balance out any trauma over time. 15- If the pain is lasting more than a week or so, or you've lost hope or you're thinking of suicide, you're either suppressing your pain or you have deeper unresolved issues that you need to complete. The strategies above are healthy ways to deal with emotional pain. Often as kids, we didn't use these strategies and instead incorporate the pain into our character, our subconscious. Said another way, when we're young, it's easy to let emotional pain define you. Often this needs to be undone, teased apart and handled in a healthy manner for us to be free. If a current incident upsets you too much or for too long, or your whole life is colored by a negative outlook, consider getting some help to unearth, re-examine and complete a prior incident. Watch out for addiction to drama. You can get a lot of attention when things get bad - but it's not healthy to keep working your friends for attention to your dramas. It can be hard to give up the experience of having people sympathize as you tell how bad it is, but drama can become a way of life that sucks all the good feelings out of your relationships. If you find yourself telling the same story over and over again, or similar stories where you are the victim and someone else is the villain, it's time to get a handle on yourself! It's normal to feel hurt or pain for some time after an event. How much time is up to you. Don't let others rush or pressure you into "getting over it" on some timetable. But if you feel hopeless, or helpless, and this feeling doesn't improve over time, but instead seems to linger, seek professional help. Emotional injury can lead to depression, which can be treated - don't let yourself continue a downhill slide indefinitely. You should reach a peak or plateau, and things should start to turn around. You shouldn't just feel like you're continuing down, down, down.