Dealing With a Difficult Mother in- Law

If your mother-in-law repeatedly hurts you either physically or emotionally, it can permanently damage your marriage. Here are some ways to deal with her that can protect yourself, your family and your future. (1) Understand the common problems. There are often many reasons why a mother-in-law may be difficult towards her child's new lover. She may feel less important to her child (or still see them as a child rather than someone's spouse). She may have difficulty standing behind someone else in their child's life. She simply may be a completely different person from you. Understanding the reasoning behind her behavior instead of taking it personally will make it easier to deal with. (2)Distance yourself physically. You don't need to move cross-country, but you also don't need to show up at every event. It's acceptable for your spouse to attend some family events without you. This should not be a common occurrence, however. You should not try to drive a wedge between your spouse and his family. It could also be a victory of sorts for that mother of his/hers - she gets to spend time with her child and avoid you completely. Even if it's easier, this will cause discord in your marriage eventually. (3)Recognize and avoid the triggers. Before coming in contact with the in-law, visualize the scenarios which always manage to get under your skin. What is it that is said or done that makes your blood boil? Once you determine those triggers (which tend to be the same emotionally, manifested in various ways), think about ways in which you can avoid them. (4)Think about your spouse and child. You don't want to say or do anything to harm your relationship with them. Do you need to try and break the tension? Bite your tongue? Sometimes you have to suck it up and behave nicely for the sake of someone else's happiness. (5)Express your feelings to your spouse. Let your husband (or wife) know that the way their mother treats you is hurtful. You are entitled to share these feelings with your spouse. Do not criticize her, remember this is his/her mother - but don't protect her either. You can say something like, "Honey, your mom may not mean to be hurtful, but she was tonight. In the future, if she says something like (give the example that hurt you), I would appreciate it if you would speak up for me." (6)Make your spouse understand that they must take the lead with their family. If your spouse will not handle his/her family, you will never solve this problem. Your spouse's mother has already demonstrated that she doesn't respect or recognize you. Nothing you say or do will change that. Unless your spouse is willing to take charge, outline clear boundaries over which the mother must not step, and be willing to follow up these statements with action and definitive consequences, you will have to face the fact that you will not be able to ever change this relationship. -Gracias Por Leer!